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IsBankrupt.Com News


Monday February 8th, 2010

Top Business Stories

 

George W. Bush Goes in for hemorrhoid surgery this week. Doctors warn of potential complications due to the close proximity of the hemorrhoid to Bush's brain.
Smashed.Net - Hosting that stays crunchy in milk.
Top Market Stories

Microsoft releases Windows XP this week. The new OS is reportedly causing the spontaneous combustion of any machine it comes into contact with. We recently interviewed a developer from the Redmond based schlopware giant, who told us that XP was short for eXPlode.
Verizon Wireless has just published the results of a five year study on the benefits to cellular phone radiation. Among other health benefits, the report mentions improved vision in some people through the growth of a third eye.

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Dateline - Monday February 8th, 2010

Intel Is Bankrupt!

In a move that comes as no surprise to anyone, Intel has filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The company is reportedly losing 1.4 Billion dollars for every hour it keeps it's doors open.

Luckily for Intel , many of the company's employees have already jumped to their death. There have been reports, however, of several surviving departments banding together to publicly defecate on the CEO's desk.

Intel is currently auctioning it's assets off via Ebay. The CFO has come up with an ingenious "penny-for-a-pound" pricing method to determine the auction price of Intel 's valuable intellectual property.

We asked a top financial analyst from the firm Dewy, Screwem, and Howw, what he thought of Intel 's situation, he had this to say:

"I've reviewed Intel 's financials and I believe their best option is to start investing heavily in Vaseline. As for the stockholders, my advice is to find the nearest gas oven, stick your head in, and breath deeply."

 

 

 

 

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